3 Things You Must Start Doing Now

Welcome!

What if the breakthrough you’ve been waiting for isn’t about doing more… but finally doing what you already said you would?

In this episode of The Esme Graff Podcast, I'm getting practical about what it actually takes to become the person you keep saying you want to be.

Because growth isn’t complicated, but it is costly. And the price is consistency.

Here are the 3 disciplines we break down today:

1. Keep the promises you make to yourself
Self-trust isn’t built in public—it’s built in private.
Every kept promise compounds confidence. Every broken one reinforces doubt.
If you don’t trust yourself, nothing else scales.

2. Protect your environment
Your environment is not neutral—it’s either multiplying you or minimizing you.
What you consume. Who you listen to. What you tolerate.
It’s either feeding your future or starving it.

3. Tell yourself the truth
Excuses function just like lies.
“I don’t have time.”
“I’m waiting for the right moment.”
“This is just who I am.”
Those aren’t facts. They’re patterns. And patterns can change.

Here’s the bottom line:
You don’t need a new life. You need stronger and higher standards.

Practical Exercise:
Write this down: “The truth is, I am where I am because...”
Finish the sentence. Say it out loud. Then decide what action "that truth" requires.

Because clarity creates courage. And courage creates change.

If this episode challenged you, follow the show and leave a review. It helps more people step into the growth they’ve been avoiding.

Connect with me at www.esmegraff.com

Later,

Esme

Podcat Website: The Esme Graff Podcast
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© 2024 Esme Graff LLC. All rights reserved.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Esme Graph Show. This space is dedicated to single moms who want to live out their purpose as they navigate the realities of motherhood, career, and personal growth. I am your host, Esme, Single Mom, Executive Leadership Coach, and Purpose Factor License Facilitator. On this show, I talk openly about what it's like to be a Christian single mom while pursuing my calling, building a business, and helping others grow personally, professionally, and spiritually. Consider this your invitation to take the next step to becoming who you were created to be. Well, hello, hello, my friends! I am so glad that you're hanging out with me today. Last week I talked about the three things that you must stop doing right now. And today I just want to follow that up, and I want to share with you three things that you must start doing right now. That is, if you want to be a better person. So I don't want to waste any time, so let's get straight to it. Here are the three things that you must start doing right now. Number one, you must start keeping the promises that you make to yourself. My friend, I don't know what you told yourself you were going to do and you just forgot. I don't know what commitments you made at the beginning of the year that you just kind of gave up on. But today I want to remind and encourage you to get back on those promises you made to yourself. Listen, here's the truth. If you cannot stay committed to yourself, you will struggle to stay committed to anything or anyone else. And my friend, that is the truth. You see, I often wonder how is it that we can show up for other people every single day with all of our good intentions, with all of our good attitude, with all of our everything, but we don't show up for ourselves the same way. And this is something that I have to work really hard at in the little things and the big things. Because if I say I'm going to like walk two miles every day, I have to do everything that I need to do to get on with those two miles. And some of the things that I have to do in order to keep that promise to myself is that as soon as I get home, I change into my workout clothes. Because here's the thing the moment that I put on those clothes, I know I'm already halfway there. See, I've already, I'm already half the battle's been won. And I know that. And let's just be honest, after putting on that sports bra, might as well go and and get those two miles on and get my steps on, right? So again, you have to set up a system and something that's gonna work, but you have got to take action. And the thing that no one tells you is that self-trust is built in private, one little step at a time. And every time you say, I'm going to wake up early to go to the gym, and you don't, it's a setback. And every time you say, I'm going to start a new business or I'm going to look for a new job and you delay it, it's a setback. Every time that you say, I'm going to heal or grow or change and you avoid it, it is a setback, my friend. You slowly weaken your confidence in yourself by not keeping the promises that you're making to yourself. But here's the thing: the opposite is also true. Every small promise you keep, it's building up your confidence. You become stronger, you believe in yourself more. And even if you start small today, but you stay consistent, even in a short time, you'll start to trust yourself again. And the more you trust yourself, the more you're going to be able to keep those promises that you're making to yourself, the more committed you're going to be to yourself. So, my friend, whatever you need to do today, however small of a step, however small of a beginning, re-engage with the goals that you made and you gave up on, or just re-engage with the person you want to be in the near future. And let's get going. The second thing that you must start doing right now, and this is one that I'm really, really passionate about, is protect your environment. Who you listen to matters. What you consume matters. And I am not talking about food, I am talking about what you consume mentally, spiritually, and physically. What you tolerate matters, and most importantly, hear me out on this. Who surrounds you really, really matters. Last week I met for coffee with one of my best friends, and I was telling her how I'm struggling with something and how I often blame being single, and even made the comment that if I had a husband, I wouldn't have this problem. And then she asked, Well, are you listening to something or watching something that is triggering this feeling and this behavior? And you see, she asked that question because she understands that what we consume affects us. And you see, she asked that question because she understands that what we consume and what we spend time looking at, listening to is what we're going to compare ourselves to. And that matters. And she said to me, Esme, having a husband wouldn't change anything if you still have the same thoughts, if you're still looking at the same things, and if you're still talking about the same things. And oh man, you know, as I went home, I reflected more about what she said, the more I can see how she is right. Who I have around me, it's not gonna make a difference if I continue to fall into the cycle of negative thinking or negative speaking. Nothing is gonna change unless I change the environment that I'm in. You see, he I love this like example, this analogy that if you put a fresh apple next to one that is rotten, the fresh apple becomes rotten. And the rotten never becomes fresh. And I think some of us want to grow and become a better version of ourselves while we're still living in environments that are not good for us. We want to have hope and believe that we're capable of more and we can do more, but we're still listening to the criticism and the negative voices of other people, or even worse, the negative voice inside our head. We want to take action, but we constantly get distracted and we end up scrolling, or we end up watching five hours of Netflix, um, or we end up just laying around doing nothing. We want to do better, but we lower our standards and expectations, and then we settle for less than one we deserve. And let me tell you what, settling never helped anyone. So, my friend, you cannot consistently grow in places that are constantly pulling you backwards. Let me ask you this: if you take one step forward and two back, how much progress did you make? Have you ever thought about the fact that a better version of yourself has nothing to do with changing who you are or what you're doing, but everything to do with removing yourself from an environment that is slowing you down? Listen, you protect everything you value. You install an alarm system around your home. We all have those cameras at the front door. Uh, we protect the things that we value and need with insurance. But a lot of times we fail to protect the most valuable thing we have, which is ourselves. So if you want to succeed, protect your environment. And that includes your mind, your body, your soul, your peace, your heart, your relationships. Because your environment is either feeding your future or is starving it, and only you can make that decision. Now, last but not least, another thing that you must start doing right now is tell yourself the truth. Listen, transformation begins the moment that you stop lying to yourself. And I'm talking about the big lies and the little lies. But right now, I'm gonna tell you something about the little lies that become excuses for the things you don't do. Like when you say I don't have time, or it's too late for me, or when you say things like I work better under pressure, or I'm waiting for the right moment, or worst of them all, when you say things like this is just who I am. All of those are lies that will keep you stuck for years. I had a friend who was always late, and I mean late for everything. Late for work, late for coffee dates, late for doctor appointments, and she was even late to a wedding that we attended. And she would say it all the time. I'm late because it's who I am. On last week's episode, if you haven't listened to it, this is your invitation to go back and listen to it. But I talked about the fact that when you have a problem, you're either gonna come out with an excuse or a solution. And you see, lies are excuses that you make to avoid doing things that you have to do to become a better version of yourself. And the truth you don't want to hear is this you do have time for what matters, you just don't care. It's not too late for you, you're not too old. You just don't want to put in the hard work, you're not waiting for the right moment, you are just avoiding being uncomfortable, and this is not who you are, you have the power to change. In fact, let me tell you something that truly blows my mind every time I think about it. Because, my friends, we were created for change. You have been changing since the day you were conceived. Think about that. I mean, seriously, think about that and let that sink in for a few minutes. From day one, you have been changing, and you will continue to change until your last second on earth. And some of the things that you're avoiding right now are the things that are going to lead you to a better place. Personal growth requires honesty, honesty about your habits, honesty about your excuses, honesty about why you settled, honesty about what you really, really want, and also about the price that you're willing to pay to get where you want to be. Because you cannot experience transformation while refusing to admit and face what you're lying about. Breakthrough happens when we are willing to be courageous and be honest with ourselves. And you may just be asking right now, well, Esme, how do I tell the truth? How can I be honest with myself? And here's a little coaching exercise I want you to do right now. Don't do this if you are driving. Please do not do this if you're driving. Wait until you get home after work today, um, and then do this coaching exercise. But here's what I want you to do: if you're home right now and you're able, I want you to grab a piece of paper and grab something to write with. And listen, I want you to start a sentence with these words. The truth is that I am where I am because, and you fill in the blank. Again, here's what you're gonna write. The truth is, I am where I am because, and I want you to just write down whatever is coming to your mind, whatever it's flowing from your heart. Because, my friend, when you sit down and you reflect about these things, you will be able to be honest with yourself. And whatever you write when you're done, I want you to say it out loud because it will hit differently when you say it out loud. It will hit differently when you use the words, when you hear those words back, I am telling you, is going to hit you differently. And I want you to face those words with courage. And listen, here is where transformation is going to happen. I want you to think about what needs to change, and with grace and intentionality, I want you to start taking step by step to a better version of yourself. And if you find that this exercise benefited you today, would you be so kind to reach out to me on social media wherever you listen to podcasts and let me know. My friends, I've had a great time hanging out with you today. As usual, here is my disclaimer: everything I share in this podcast comes from my personal experience. I can only hope and pray my stories will inspire and encourage you. I cannot give you professional advice, and I cannot say that if you do what I do, you will have the same results. But I highly recommend you find a professional who can provide the support and the help you need. If this podcast inspires you in any way, give it a like, follow, and leave a review. That just makes it easier for other people to find it. And do me a favor, if you know someone who can benefit from this episode today, would you share it with them? You can also use the QA section on Spotify to let me know what you think of this episode, or better yet, let me know what you want me to talk about next. I would love to connect with you. You can reach out to me on social media wherever you listen to podcasts or visit my website at www.smcgraph.com. My friend, have an amazing week. Go into the world and be the person God created you to be, and I will see you here next time. Until then, later.