FRIENDSHIPS CH8: HUMBLENESS

Welcome to this week’s episode of The Esme Graff Podcast! In this inspiring episode, I dive into Chapter 8 of my book, Friendships: Cultivating Twelve Qualities to Become More Like Jesus, and explore the transformative power of humility. Whether you're a single mom navigating parenting challenges or a divorced woman seeking encouragement and community, this episode is for you.

What You’ll Learn:

• The importance of humility in friendships and why it shapes our relationships.
• Biblical insights on humility, featuring the story of Luke, the humble and wise Gospel author.
• How humble people set boundaries, avoid entitlement, and practice self-worth.
• Encouragement for single moms and divorced women, especially during the holiday season.

"Divorce is part of my story, but it’s not my identity." Join me as I share my personal experiences as a Christian single mom and discuss how humility leads to deeper connections and personal growth.

Ready to grow? Grab a copy of my book, the journal, and let’s dive deeper into becoming the women God created us to be.

Let’s end this year with gratitude and purpose!

Listen to the chapter one episode, Compassion and Mentorship, subscribe, and share this episode to encourage others in your community!

Visit www.esmegraff.com for more resources, signed copies of my book, and updates. Find me on Instagram

You are more precious than rubies. Don’t settle for less.

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Chapters

• 1:26 Holiday season is here
• 1:55 The parent holiday evolution
• 2:41 Message to my children
• 3:24 End of year thoughts on divorce
• 4:56 Prayer for all single moms
• 6:00 Chapter 8: all about Luke
• 8:32 What I admire about non-believers
• 11:29 Not created to live opressed
• 14:24 Humble small beginnings
• 18:34 The baggage we need

Transcript

Hello, and welcome to today’s episode! I am so happy you’re hanging out with me. It’s time for hot chocolate, pie, sweaters, boots, and everything that make you feel jolly, warm, fuzzy, and if you are like me, I just love this season!

The holidays are here! Part of the bittersweet feeling of getting older is the realization that the holidays are starting to look a little different. As a parent, the holiday season starts with your kids being too little to understand what is going on. Then you get to the stage that is so full of excitement and anticipation, then comes the stage when the kids just text you a list or randomly send you pictures or a link to the things they want. And then, it comes the season when you have to start deciding whether you go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas because it is expensive to travel. 

However, as the seasons change, being a mom has been the greatest adventure and blessing in my life. And to my children, I say: “All this time, I have been the lucky one”! Wow, I didn't think that was going to make me emotional but it did.

First, I am incredibly thankful for all the messages you sent me on social media. The stories you share with me really encourage me to continue to do what I believe God has called me to do.

Divorced is something that happened to me. I am not the definition of divorce. The same goes for single parenting. It is something I have to do, but it is not who I am or what I believe. 

I talk about my identity as a divorced single mom because there are so many things that I could let become obstacles and not move forward. My experiences are only part of my story, not the reason for my story. Who I am is so much more than what I have overcome. 

I am one of the most pro-marriage people you’ll ever meet. I believe in marriage, but if I can be honest, I did not want to talk about divorce and single parenting. However, God has called me to serve in an area of life in which I have experience, and it is very humbling to talk about divorce and single parenting, especially around the holidays. 

To all the women who have shared their stories with me, I say “Thank you” for sharing your stories with me. I know it takes a lot of courage to open up and talk about these things.  

My biggest prayer for all single moms out there, or anyone who is single this holiday season and feels the weight of loneliness, is that the times when you feel alone and forgotten are few to none, I pray for you to have the courage to step out in faith and find community. I pray you wont let pain become your identity and I pray you to experience joy and the love of God.  

I pray this podcast will help someone not feel alone and show them that there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

This week, I am talking about humility. Why is it so important to surround ourselves with humble people, and what can we learn from them?

In chapter eight, I discuss a Bible character who was very humble. His name is Luke. He was a doctor, which tells me he was educated. As a doctor, I can only assume he was also well-known. He wrote one of the Gospels, which is one of the first four books in the New Testament. Most scholars would agree that he also wrote the Book of Acts.   

And I like to put a face to the name; I would like to think he looked like Derek in Grey’s Anatomy. 

Anyway, his character is really what gets my attention. Not once does he give himself credit for anything; in fact, he is very clear about why he took it upon himself to write his own accounts of events. 

See, I am a very logical person, just as much as I am a very emotional person. I have a feeling that, as a doctor, Luke had a natural inclination to research things to gain knowledge.  

In Luke chapter 1, he tells us he carefully investigated everything from the beginning because he wanted to ensure the information being passed around or the message being preached was true. And just those few sentences tell me so much about his character. 

It is important that we surround ourselves with people who will not just go with the flow of things. But people who are going to double-check what they believe and what they are going to teach is correct. 

This is something I feel very strongly about. I do not teach or share anything that I don’t believe or haven’t researched for myself to find out is true.

I definitely do not want to be influenced by someone who doesn’t bother to check facts or do their research. I am the kind of person who reads, researches, and talks to other people to see if what I have been told is true.

That is the one thing I admire about some people who do not believe in God but go out of their way to do intensive research only to discover that there is so much historical and scientific evidence about Jesus and God.  

We know these people do one of two things: They become believers because they believe in the evidence they have found, or They take a neutral position to say they don’t believe, but they cannot deny what the evidence shows. 

 I think people who do research and go looking for evidence become so much more convicted about the existence of God. I think Luke may have been one of those people. He believed the stories the apostles were saying; he believed what Paul was preaching—he visited him in jail often. But he also wanted to find out for himself that what he believed was true.

I believe he maybe wrote his own account of events because he wanted others to believe without any doubt that Jesus was the Son of God. if the message came from someone who was a doctor and a person of credibility, then the message would be trustworthy.  

I mean, he was trustworthy, smart, kind, and humble. He is one of my favorite characters—you have no idea. 

 Now, I think humbleness is one of those things we often misunderstand or try to rename in the name of being Christians. Sometimes, people want to justify neglect, abuse, and evil behaviors with the excuse that we are supposed to turn the other cheek or forgive 70 times 7 times. And I simply disagree with that. 

Jesus was humble, but he always stood up for the poor, the oppressed, the mistreated, and the taken advantage of. He was humble, but he also knew He was the Son of God, and He acted like it. 

And that is who we are called to be. We are the daughters of God. We were not created to be oppressed or keep our mouths shut to keep the peace. God did not create us for a purpose, and oppression or abuse is not it.

 There is a fine line between forgiving someone who was mean to us because they are having a bad day or are under a lot of stress and someone who flat-out mistreats us.  

Being a Christian does not justify staying in abusive relationships. 

Being a Christian doesn’t justify mistreating someone because you’ll repent and confess, and Jesus will forgive you either. 

 So, what can we learn from our humble friends? Did you know that humble people tend to view themselves with more accuracy than a person who isn’t humble? It is true!

 So, if we lack humility, we will likely have a false view of who we truly are. Ouch! In other words, we think of ourselves as something we are not.

 Research shows that humble people don’t ask for special treatment based on their accomplishments. So, typically, you wouldn’t hear a humble say things like: do you know who I am? Or why do I have to wait? 

 Our humble friends are confident people who do not have an attitude of entitlement but have boundaries and don’t let others run them over. In fact, humble people are often very clear about what is unacceptable to them. 

 Again, practicing humility doesn’t mean we have to put up with someone treating us poorly. There is no excuse to justify why someone calling you names or attacking your character in the name of being honest or being in a bad mood.

 Let me remind you that you are a daughter of God, and the purpose of humility is not to let it take away your self-worth. But to remind you that you are more precious than rubies. So, do not settle for less. 

 Friends when we talk about humility, I want to end this year and end this podcast, sharing with you that I am so so thankful for all the things I got to do this year. 2024 was the year I published a book, this podcast has now been live for a year, and while there are things that I didn’t get to accomplished I am not going to view those things as failure, I got nothing but time, everyone misses their targets more than once. The difference is that they keep shooting … and I am going to keep on shooting until I get those targets. 

 Some things are fully or partly out of my control. But I will continue to do my part and let God do his part. They’ll be times when I argue with God, but he is a big God and he can deal with me. But this is my race and I want to run a good race - And if I meet someone who wants to run this reace with me, and go where I am going – Lets go!

 And if I’m on this lane by myself, I’m going to keep going to keep at it and that is the encouragement that I want to leave you with this year. 

 Whatever you dream of doing, take a step in that direction, invest in yourself, better yourself, and trust God. 

 Live every day with gratitude and acknowledge what you have. 2024 was the year of friendships and the year my youngest started his pilot training, the year my daughter moved to Lexington and is in her second year of grad school. So many amazing things happened this year and I am not leaving those things behind I am bringing every win and every little thing I am thankful for with me. Listen if you are going to carry baggage let it be a baggage of gratitude. 

 My friends, 

I had a great time hanging out with you today!  As usual, here is my disclaimer: Everything I share in this podcast comes from my personal experience. I can only hope is that my stories inspire and encourage you. I cannot give you professional advice, and I cannot say that if you do what I do you will have the same results. But I highly recommend you find a professional who can provide the support and help you need.

 If this podcast inspires you in any way, give it a like, follow, and leave a review to make it easier for others to find it. You can also use the QA section on Spotify to let me know what you think of this episode.

 I would love to connect with you – you can reach out on social media, wherever you listen to podcasts or visit my website at www.esmegraff.com

 You can get a copy of my book and the journal to take notes on Amazon 

 You can also order from my website.  And the good news is that if you order from my website, I will send you a signed copy of the book along with a little gift to show my appreciation for supporting my ministry.

 Have an amazing week. Be an influential friend who is humble and I will see you here next time! Later